Everybody poops, but not everybody poops so much that they clog a toilet on a regular basis. When you do, hopefully it happens home. If not, be prepared for an awkward conversation.
It’s hard to poop with dignity. It’s gross. Sometimes we do it a lot more than we’d like to because we ate two bowls of chicken curry and washed it down with a pot of coffee. Few people get much satisfaction out of taking a dump, but at least we get to do it privately and can make an effort to pretend it never happened. Except sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you need to take a dump in a public bathroom or at a friend’s house, and unless everything goes to plan you could end up clogging things up. So how do you handle this situation with minimal embarrassment? All you need is the right attitude.
Own Your Shit
As much as you may want to, you can’t pretend you didn’t just poop in a toilet and clog it. You’re not the first person to cause this problem. It also may not have been your fault. Think of it this way: when you make a Jenga tower fall, it happens because of the piece you pulled as well as the others that were pulled before it. When you clog a toilet, many shits have come before you as well. Don’t believe your massive poop necessarily did all the damage.
Even if it did, everyone takes a massive dump from time to time. It’s a natural part of life and doesn’t deserve the level embarrassment many people attribute to it. Don’t worry about how other people might react. When you have to tell someone you clogged their toilet, do so with confidence. To be clear: not pride, but confidence.
Make a Very Simple Request
Whenever someone has clogged my toilet, they’ve always meekly approached me to explain the situation. It usually goes something like this:
Uh…so I had a problem in the bathroom. The toilet got clogged. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me?
Nobody wants to clean up someone else’s poop or force it down the toilet. Everyone knows that, but people seem to forget that they just have to ask one thing:
Hey, can I borrow the plunger?
This is a remarkably simple question that prevents you from telling your friend, your grandma, or a Subway Sandwich artist that your shit was so big it couldn’t fit down the toilet. Unless it’s so massive you need to ask for a knife to cut it up, you can get by just asking for a plunger. People will know what you mean. If they ask why, just say the toilet’s clogged and you wanted to take care of it. Most people won’t want to know more and will be very happy you’re going to solve such a gross problem for them.
Know How to Plunge
Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t know how to use a plunger nowadays. You want to learn this very simple skill before you cause a problem, otherwise you’ll find yourself googling for help in someone else’s bathroom, cursing whatever god you do or do not believe in for blocking your cellular reception. Toilets and plungers all differ a bit—and good luck to you if you get one of those oddly-shaped Kohler models (that took me about 30 minutes to learn how to plunge)—but the idea is pretty simple. If you need some instruction, watch the video above for a shit-free lesson.
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